Rekindling an old flame...

Time flies too fast. I have no problems with it flying, but it's the haste I cannot bear.

Wasn't it just not too long ago that I put this website together? Why do so many of the pages look and feel so outdated already?

Recently, I was asked to go and retrieve a print-screen from my old website/blog thing. Last year, I decided to shut down my story-blog which I had up since 2005 (approx). On that blogspot page, I shared hundreds of flash fiction stories that I wrote to give away freely to the world (not that there was much traffic towards the end when I stopped updating it). I took it offline because I read about how "proper publishers" don't like stories that are already available on the internet for free... 

But I miss it, you know? I miss its simplicity and sincerity in me when I wrote on it... the feeling of writing to write, to share an idea, to have the chance to be read, to amuse, and to be amused. I didn't write on that blog to be a "writer" and the last thing on my mind was about becoming a "published author".

I so much more prefer writing random raw flash fiction stories than blogging about my real life and struggles with creating my websites.

Today on Valentine's day, I shall rekindle my old flame. Open up the blog again and if nobody wants to print those stories because it's already blah blah blah... so be it. And yes, maybe I can start putting up new stories on it. New stories that are like the old ones - born of random ideas, written quickly in one sitting, unfinished, unpolished, diamond-in-the-rough-draft stuff. 

I'm consoled by being able to undo at least this cause of regret.

I'm glad that although Chattering Matterings of the Original Meekfreak is old and dated, I'm not yet jaded.

Working late...

It's 1.30 am and it's the Nth night in the past weeks that i'm up working so late. I haven't been waking up late either, for I've been waking up to a brain buzzing with a list of chores and errands.

i'm tired and I've been neglecting my writing because it's too difficult to write creative or complicated stuff when the brain is being wrung like a wet rag.

So what have I been up to?

Admin stuff. Administrative things, like planning projects, budgets, proposal, timelines, etc etc. For a while, it bothered me like how it used to bother me when I was working in a corporate office. ZZZzzz.

But friends helped me realise that this is all part and parcel of my work as a writer/artist. It's the "un-glamorous" part of every art project, but also one of the most essential parts.

And look, my friend A said, Isn't it nicer, better, infinitely more meaningful to be doing the administrative things for projects that I believe in?

Well, yes, indeed, i suppose it is nice, better, and infinitely more meaningful.

Admin really shouldn't bother me like how it used to bother me when I was administrating senior management's political spew and hidden agendas. 

And besides, I'm actually quite good at admin, which is why i could rise up far enough into the corporate offices to see the vomit and recognise the smell. It was just the purpose and the smell and the sounds people make when they puke shit that made me gag. 

Now that I'm administrating my own puke-shit, admin shouldn't bother me.

Now that I'm doing admin just to make my dreams come true, I might even come to like admin with time. But then, does that mean i'll be working even later into the night?!